Friday, October 25, 2013


We were talking of a friend yesterday, Vicky and I, who we both happen to like; he is however an irresponsible husband. This reflects in the behaviour of his wife who is neither particularly independent nor very street-smart. My own belief is that her husband's lack of attention and interest in her makes her even more clingy and difficult than she would have been otherwise. He is not an unkind husband, but he is negligent. She is not the easiest of people to get along with but it seems to me that she would be more relaxed and confident were she surer of her husband's complete attention.

Vicky mentioned that it wasn't exactly the man's fault: he had been dragged unwillingly into the marriage, emotionally blackmailed into it by his family who felt it was time he 'settled down'. My question is, how is that an excuse? Once you've committed to a course of action, especially when it involves somebody else's life, how can you not commit fully to it? Likewise, if you were that averse, why couldn't you stiffen your damn backbone and refuse?

I realise I sound harsh, but the reality is harsh... on the woman who thought she was being fully accepted and would be loved and cherished. I know the man isn't living the life of his dreams either, but he knew what he was getting into. She didn't.


Anonymous said...

Byron said "man's love and life are athing apart,
It is woman's whole existence".
Men are always less into marriage.

Anonymous said...

I am with you on this!
Once you choose a course of action, you have to give it your best shot. If the guy was that averse to getting married, then he shouldn't have! This is an unfortunate situation..

Adrift said...

I so totally agree with your comments ... we are not living in the 1900s anymore ... we get to make our own decision ... if we cave in to parental pressure, that is also a decision in and of itself!

Minko said...

At the risk of being intrusive, I'll simply say that this is something that has been going on for aeons.

I, too, used to think that backbones are made of sterner stuff. But, lo and behold: Here I am, scribbling words for nothing.

The world, and everything therein, is strange. Too strange, perhaps, for our liking, but that is another story.

dipali said...

More and more I think that marriages need to happen only when both parties concerned are equally committed to each other and the thought of marriage. Parents really have no business to pressurise their children to marry. That said, if you've agreed to marry, please give it all you've got.

شقق للايجار said...

i love your blog a lot.

Roshnai Chaudhuri said...

It's great that you brought this up. Seems to happen with a lot of guys these days. I for one am completely with you. Think all you want before you decide, but once you do decide, do not look back(or at other women for that matter :)). But I guess not everyone is alike.

Sue said...

Anon -- That's a pretty unfair generalisation, you know.

Anon2 -- It's the lack of spine that really irks me, I suppose.

Adrift -- It's a decision that we should be prepared to honour, moreover.

Minko -- I don't think I would have written this post if I hadn't got so upset on behalf of the wife. She's no particular friend of mine but the unfairness of the situation is the strongest of her, who had the least hand in its creation.

Urdu person -- Sorry, can't read your name, but thanks.

Roshnai -- People can be as different as they like, but honouring a decision is after all a matter of ethics.

Sachita said...

i am just catching up on your post.

Once you are an adult whatever decision you make - you need to stand up for this.

I see so many of my friends making statement like this - i was pressured into marriage( all the more your fault if you succumbed to pressure and decided to spoil some one else life because when you got married you signed up to be a partner and that is what the other partner was promised of). If you dont want to get married be an adult and just dont. Dont do it and behave as if it is a big favor to another person who didnt ask for one in the first place.
Same with babies.

I m not married nor do i have kids but it just gets my goat.