Thursday, February 08, 2018

Marriage

When my brother called off his wedding, I was with my mother. We looked at each other not putting our feelings into words. We had both expected and dreaded this moment and hoped it would not come, but it came anyway. I spoke up first, and sounded unnatural as I wondered if perhaps this was not for the best after all, the way it had been going. I fought to trust in him and his choices and my own belief that he could and would do what was right for him.

Later on, the day after, Moonmoon's Marriage came up on my playlist and I explained what it was about to my mother. I watched her face crumple a little and then she pulled herself back together. Looking back, I haven't seen her show her fear and worry over my brother so openly since we were in school. We were both grieving for him but I worried as a sibling and she as a mother.

Watching my mother be a mother -- and not my mother, not in that moment -- is a particularly unsettling thing. It reminds me that I too have two children and the rest of my life will be walking a similar tightrope of balancing needs and worries.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's tough. Never ends, this concern and love that a mother feels. Wish both of you, all of you, the strength to see this through.

Sue said...

Batul - Thanks, hug from me to you.