Thursday, April 09, 2015

Dementia

I awoke from a nightmare not ten minutes ago and my heart is still racing. These aren't the dreams of monsters and ghosts that scared me as a child; these are visions of people being perverse, being very, very cruel, so realistically twisted from things that have actually happened that I have to work hard to remember these visions are not true and that these people don't do these things.

My heart is still racing.

I am petrified of dementia in my old age. Earlier I used to worry about being at the mercy of other people for my most basic needs; now that I have these occasional glimpses into the inner doubts in my head I worry about being at the mercy of thoughts like these without having the rationality to defend myself.

1 comment:

DM said...

I sometimes hope that I reach the stage where the things that frighten me now no longer matter ... whether loneliness or dependence. Or nightmares. Maybe there will be a dimming of the intellect till the final lights out.