Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Panic

This pregnancy has gone easy on me, mostly. The occasional mild bout of nausea, the odd spot of heartburn, regular breathlessness. Now into the second trimester I can feel the fatigue lifting a little. But even at its worst, the fatigue was annoying, not scary. What has been scary are the scary dreams that plagued me all December. Dreams of loss, death, despair. I'd wake up scared and panicking.

This morning I woke up from a nice dream I don't remember (very rarely do I remember my dreams) and that's how it's been this month. Nice thoughts, little joys, much cuddling.

There are bad days though, and today is one. Nothing has actually gone wrong but the news has got to me, and sad posts on my timelines are inducing irrational thoughts of panic. Rahul was a blessed child in that he never really gave us scary times over illnesses or allergies or things like that. What if this child is not as lucky? What if something goes wrong? What if, what if, what if... I don't even want to think of all the things that could go wrong and probably won't anyway.

Nothing will go wrong.

3 comments:

R's Mom said...

Aiyo, think positive thoughts okay? absolutely nothing will happen...and kiddo in tummy will be as awesome as Rahul :)

Thinking Cramps said...

Sunayana, I hear you - I can totally relate to that loop of panic and "what if?". Here's to optimism and the indomitability of babies and mums - like R's mom said, nothing will go wrong. Keep breathing :) And smile! Hugs.

Sue said...

R's Mom -- I hope it will be a little less crazy. There's enough eccentricity in this house already.

Ana -- I hear you. Haven't panicked since, thankfully.