Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Ekla Chola

I cannot sleep and Youtube threw this my way. I really enjoyed Kahaani, so seeing the video brought back all the emotions of watching it unfold on the big screen.

I remember watching Vidya Bagchi drinking bottles of water as she walked her heavily pregnant self up and down the roads of my city; as she drank I wondered what bathrooms she used. In my third trimester I found outings a little scary because I needed to use the bathroom all the time and you rarely have clean, safe ones here. I won't tell you how she managed. If you see or have seen the movie you will know for yourself.

Watching the video now made me reflect on what a solitary journey pregnancy is for us all. Women only really talk about it to another preggie or a mother. No two pregnancies are quite alike. Watching a dear one go through pregnancy can be almost as emotionally charged as one's own pregnancy.

In the end though, no matter how cocooned you may be by love and care, how hard you work or how full you keep your life through those nine months, your pregnancy is about you. It is about your child, who is not yet a person in his own right, it is about your changing body, your mental preparation for what lies ahead, your willing or unwiling acceptance of the future, of ageing, of change.

It is an intensely physical journey and yet, for nine whole months all you can contemplate is yourself and your life. Your reactions to your world change. Your senses grow sharper, keener, your sense of danger is constantly on alert. You find yourself being unexpectedly sentimental, unexpectedly romantic and unexpectedly uncompromising.

It is no surprise that men shroud pregnancy and pregnant women with such an aura of the Unknown. There are few creatures as unpredictable as a pregnant female. There is no saying how she will react to what she perceives as danger or provocation. This is how she must be because the work she is doing is the most important thing she will ever do. For now her life is dedicated to the safe growth and delivery of another human being. Once the child is born the rest of the world can do all the things she can do but for now she is the only refuge, the carrier, the protector that this child has. The food she eats, the very air she breathes, goes to nourish the child she carries.

It is a journey that we all make alone, a path created for us to walk alone.

13 comments:

Itchingtowrite said...

http://itchingtowriteblogs.blogspot.in/2013/07/on-mommyhood.html

AA_Mom said...

Well said.

R's Mom said...

So true and so beautifully written!

Sue said...

Itchy -- It's really amazing about the sharpened vision, isn't it?

AA Mom, R's Mom -- Thanks :)

Anne said...

Scary na...thinking its a lone journey...but so true too

Aathira Nair said...

Scary... beautiful and sometimes a part of me wishes for another experience. But, then another side reminds of so much more beyond/after the 9 months.

sajita said...

LOl at wondering which bathrooms Vidya Bagchi would use to get rid of all that water she drank.. :-)A lovely song, in a lovely movie and a lovely post too. Very true, and beautifully written, Sue!

Purva said...

I read you blog today when i wasalready in state of loneliness. I believe it starts much before ur pregnant, when everybody around u thinks its their right to ask you about your family planning, giving advise just because you have been married for 5 years! for me i know i am not ready for being a mum as yet. but the whole fa├žade has made me shut everybody. so yes i am alone and i know will be alone later as well.

Sue said...

Anne -- It's a little scary but seeing how much of it comes naturally to us is also rather empowering, I found.

Athira -- LOL The eternal struggle: to have or not to have!

Saji -- Thanks :)

Purva -- I was sorry to read your comment. I think yours is a somewhat different loneliness you know, and it's a very difficult one. Is there nobody you can talk to about it?

dipali said...

Beautifully written, Sue. Looking back all those decades ago, I am still amazed at the utter devotion and patience shown by my spouse- in retrospect he seems way too young for it all!!!! ( odd, because I was still younger)!

Sue said...

Dipali -- He's a keeper, the SRE.

Chatty Wren said...

Beautifully expressed, yes, you are in this alone, yet you never feel alone.

Chatty Wren said...

Beautifully expressed, yes, you are in this alone, yet you never feel alone.