Monday, June 04, 2012

Fear of Falling

This year Rahul and I signed up at a nearby swimming pool. It's a bit weird swimming in a place where everybody's swimsuit has skirts and the men and women swim in segregated sections (the women get the raw deal because they only get a third of the pool) but I thought it would be lovely to be swimming again.

It is, but it's also alarming to note the fear of injury. I have been trying running dives since yesterday, just a few, and while mostly they have been successful, every dive has been accompanied by a fear of slipping on the edge of the pool.

As it is I swim like an ungainly aunty in a swimsuit from 15 years and 15 kilos ago. I wheeze my way through 50m lengths and haven't yet done two without stopping. Now I'm too scared to launch into a dive. Where did this fearful body come from and what am I supposed to do with it?

I can pinpoint exactly when the fear entered me. When I was pregnant with Rahul and worried about placenta praevia I started moving slowly and deliberately. Now I worry that Vicky drives too fast (he drove much faster when we were two heedless kids with no thoughts of children of our own) and I worry about slipping down stairs. And I cannot arc my body into the perfect dive.

I used to live for diving. The joy and the ecstasy of cutting a splashless one into still water. Growing unfit sucks.


Kavs said...

I'm now scared of walking - not even running, down a gentle slope for the fear of slipping. I wonder if it's the same body that carelessly raced down the hill on my grandparents' farm with eyes closed...?

Ishita Shah said...

For the ones who are still on the younger side of life, its a thought provoking post!

Sue said...

Kavs -- I know!

Ishita -- :) Skip these posts. You can always read them ten years later.