Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The answer is blowing in the wind

This post comes from a lot of sources. Music I have been listening to, books that I have been reading, thoughts I have been thinking.

My question is, as a spouse or a committed partner, when do you realise that your significant other (to use a term I don't particularly like) is unhappy? When do you look for the umpteenth time into his face and realise he is this close to shutting himself into the bedroom and not emerging any time soon? When do you see that your wife's hands are shaking and her eyes are blinking back tears faster than they can fall?

Women, I see, live on the edge a lot. They are frustrated because there are not enough hours in the day, not enough patience in the world, not enough money to go around, not enough sex at nights, too many commitments, too many demands, too much pain. Do their husbands notice? Would it all be easier if their men occasionally acknowledged the stress of their days?

So, really, when you look at your partner, do you know if he or she is happy today? If you don't, why don't you?

13 comments:

A and A said...

Yes, I do. I can take one look at my DH and can say whether he is happy, sad or mad.

MinCat said...

i don't know. it's one of the things that made me decide to break up with BBot. i could see his misery and he could see mine. even though the misery was from other things, it felt like we couldn't ease each other's misery, but we were desperate to believe we could. to me that situation is the most terrifying in any relationship. sometimes people need to heal on their own and in time they come back, but it's usually the breaking point because it'll go and trigger your own insecurities like MAD.

says the thirty year old single girl. heh.

hack said...

My five-yr-old relationship ended with a great deal of shit, and I am quite glad that that endless worry, hurt and heaviness need no longer feature on my list of to-dos. It's liberating, it's great.

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Preeti Aghalayam aka kbpm said...

because men are just super annoying and clam-like like that. plus when we try to tell them something thats bothering us, they start to provide solutions - all pat ones - which is also extremely annoying. seriously, its not our fault, how can it be? :-)

Cee Kay said...

I don't want to. Not today.

I don't know if he does either. He can tell if I am mad or sad, but he chooses to ignore it most times these days. And I, as is typical for a woman, wonder if it is my fault.

Unmana said...

Yes. We notice each other's unhappiness. Not always, not every time, and we've got better at it than we were.

Also, we talk about it. If he doesn't notice right away, I tell him I'm unhappy and tell him why. I've realized that it's okay to ask for comfort.

Sue said...

A & A -- And can he also tell if you are less than your usual chipper self?

MinCat -- I find it difficult accepting that somebody else's problems have nothing to do with me. After all, it's a Sue-centric universe, the way I see it. ;)

Hack -- Why was there endless heaviness? If there aren't more good times than bad then it's not worth it, from what I've seen.

Kenny -- Agh, you got that bang on. I suspect Vicky maintains that clam-like front just because he knows it annoys me. Couldn't be any other reason, could there?

Cee -- *higs*

Unmana -- "I've realized that it's okay to ask for comfort." Much wisdom in that.

hack said...

There were good times, yes. But I no longer know. The last thing kinda makes it difficult to make sense of all that came before. And good can be qualified in so many ways. Give me what I want and I'll be good to you. Don't give it to me, and I'll be a bastard. Anyway, since it's over and done with, good riddance, I say.

Bong Mom said...

I don't know whether they notice or not because I am the one who is always eager to pour out my woes so the other half really has no choice. But as Preeti says, and then they provide solution --pat-- and it always involves things that I can/could do.

Arrrgh, who wants that ?

Sue said...

Hack -- Sounds painful, any way you look at it.

Bong Mom -- If the other half were more perceptive perhaps we would be less ready to pour out our woes. (Even as I type that I'm thinking, naaaah!)

Rohan said...

The eyes.

Sue said...

Rohan -- And do you always react to what you see in her eyes?