Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I give up (for now)

There's just too much going on. Lake Gardens Tales goes on a hiatus as does Sunny Days, sorry. What with the move and work and festivals and a birthday and ailing relatives and visiting parents and family drama and -- let me catch my breath -- where was I? Oh yes, no time to write.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Of Fairy Mothers

Our new flat is two-bedroomed, which means that we finally have a second room for Rahul. He has been gifted his grandfather's old bed (made by my grandfather himself) and he has his bookshelf and for good measure, I packed Vicky into that room too. I mean, Vicky's workspace and things are over there.

The thought was that Vicky could work while Rahul slept so the boy wouldn't feel abandoned. Also, that both would be out of my hair! (I know, don't tell me, I'm downright Machiavellian.) It's working out well enough but each night he wants to cuddle me while he sleeps.

I cannot tell you how precious that is to me. (Even when I'm fuming at how long he is taking to sleep because I have Things to Do.)

All these years Rahul has always seemingly preferred Vicky and my mother to everybody else, including me -- or so it feels. It hurt quite a bit when I was a new mother and insecure as dammit. It hurt just as much when I was working at the agency and he handled that by telling me outright and through his behaviour that he did not need me, thank you very much. But the older I get, the calmer I get, the more I finally acknowledge what I sense beyond his hurtfulness -- a very deep need that he feels he must hide.

Now, I have no idea why he feels he must play these mind games with me, but as he grows older and more demonstrative with his affection, he comes and cuddles me randomly, tells me he loves me a hundred times a day, tries to keep the peace between his father and me, wants me to spend time with him, tries to distract me from my work by inviting me to teach him something, reminds me I am his baking fairy... there are so many little things he does to show how much I matter, that I finally find it easy to dismiss him when he tells me he loves his father more and that I should go away.

In fact, one of the cutest moments we've had all year was when he had just returned from his Delhi holiday and had a fight with me and sobbed in anger, "You are NOT a fairy, I was wrong, you are bad." It took me all my will power to keep a straight face.

At these moments I wonder if my parents found me this funny. I hope not!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I hate you (like I love you)

The louder the child tells me that he does not like or love me, that he does not want me and that I should go away, the more it means he doesn't want me to leave his side. Strange kid.

Even stranger that it took me so long to work it out. Especially when you consider that I'm nearly 30 and I still do the same to my parents.

...
I don't know if you noticed, but it's Tuesday.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Things My Parents Do Just To Annoy Me

We are in Vizag for the week. I'm convinced my parents are out to get me. Otherwise they would not

1. Keep buying that boy more toys!

2. Tell Vicky all those embarrassing stories from my childhood. Given how his family never tells me any, it's just not fair to give him more and more ammo.

3. Fall ill.

4. Don't tell me when they do fall ill. Thanks for making me worry all the time, Ma-Baba!

5. Look so worried/harried/traumatised when I scold their precious grandson.

6. Keep offering to buy me stuff when our new flat cannot squeeze in so much as another teaspoon. In fact, I could give some away. You want a teaspoon? Or some big cartons of toys? Or a couple of Niyogys perhaps?

7. Eat up the chips before I get to them.

8. Get old. What's with that, anyway?

9. Refuse to listen to me when I point out the obvious (like visiting doctors, buying an automatic washing machine, getting a chimney fitted over the stove and so on). They always have an 'excellent' reason for never doing as they should. And then they call me stubborn!

10. Always, but always, taking Vicky's side.

One of these days I am really going to disown the lot of them. The Roys as well as the Niyogys.

P. S.
If you click 'Funny' for this post I am going to courier them all off to you. Let's see how funny you find that.

UPDATE
STOP CLICKING 'FUNNY'. I really will send my parents to you. Then you'll be sorry.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Ripples

In theory I have always known an unkind word or deed can carry much farther than one would ever have expected. In practice I have seen something of this before. Right now though it's surpassing all notions of space and possibility.

Thanks to all these irresponsible ripples, it's not dying down.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Manmohini

Have you heard this? It gives me goosebumps. Every single time.

Friday, October 07, 2011

Cherished

Mostly Vicky seems to act like he can't stand me. But every once in a while he makes me feel like the whole ruddy universe does indeed revolve around me. When he does that, it shows. Mostly I'm shrewish and sharp-tongued. But every once in a while I'm -- not.

Pujo 2011

We moved to the new house on Panchami. We moved the furniture in the morning and in the afternoon Dipali and I drove over with bags of things. My two large steel almirahs haven't fitted into the building entrance so I spent the weekend aghast at the lack of storage space. It's been six days and the place is still an unholy mess. My kitchen is yet to be functional but I hope it will be so by tomorrow morning.

Shashti was hard work sorting out beds and clothes. It was Shuktara's birthday so the evening was spent at her place. The party was pleasantly quiet, with Avi and Aaliya providing the fun moments. We chatted for a couple of hours at Nunu's afterwards.

On Saptami I went around the Lake Gardens flat with an electrician, emptying lofts, removing fittings and cleaning and sorting what was left. Vicky had a con call at our new home so I drove the electrician there and we went over all the stuff that needs doing. In the evening we met Barry, Sulagna, Chinky and Ollie for dinner at South City and chatted with Barry and Sulagna till the wee hours at their place afterwards.

Ashtami was rather depressing as we woke up to the mess and no signs of a solution in sight. The odd jobs man had bunked so the cabinets weren't up. It's a day best passed over. Oh and I started my periods. Fun times. We got the washing machine and microwave sorted out, so that was a bright spot.

Nabami saw a bit more organisation and finally, the odd jobs man showed up. I napped most of the day away, feeling down. In the evening we went over to Jiyon's for a small dinner with Vicky's old schoolmate whose name I forget but whose nickname is Lal Baal (he has red hair!) and an old neighbour of Jiyon's called Munni. We drank and chatted till we went home the next morning.

Not surprisingly, Dashami was a bit of a blur for Vicky. I stayed awake because the cabinets were to go up etc. We went to Nilu-Shoma's new place for lunch, with Arindam and ABC-Ruma. That was very nice too. Vicky napped while we sat around chatting about traffic incidents we had found ourselves in (among other things).

As we left their place the complex ladies were bidding farewell to the Goddess. I stood there feeling more than a little ashamed because what with the cramps and moving I haven't attended a single Pujo function this year and so I hadn't allowed myself to go for sindoor khela either, my favourite part of Pujo.

The strange thing is, the older I get, the more of an affinity I feel with Her. I have found myself wondering whether She has a tough time packing for all the Kids and Their various requirements, whether She worries over Her Husband's meals while She is away. Today I silently bid Her farewell from far away and hoped for a better Pujo next year. Also, next year I hope I will have Rahul with us. I miss his enthusiasm. It has been a relief not having him around while we moved but I've missed him greatly.