Saturday, November 05, 2011

On Beauty

[I think I began to write this one for a competition but felt it was too personal for such a platform. It's unfinished, at any rate.]

This is a post that has been so long in the making that I've already written and re-written it several times over in my head in the last few years. I never did write it down though so let it me give it another shot. It's one of those difficult subjects on which not much of what I write conveys exactly how I feel.

When Rahul was a toddler, outgrowing his toddlerhood to be exact, I remember thinking to myself what a very physical love mine is for this child of mine. Our love is for one another. I love the turn of his head, the way his eyes screw up when he grins -- one of the very few things he has condescended to inherit from me -- his unaristocratic feet, his skinny little arms, his non-existent little butt.

I love the physical aspects of my son as fiercely as I love his temperament and characteristics. I used to think it was part of the maternal package (after all I have always felt a possessiveness over his body, having helped create it within me) but as the years pass and I come to terms with his growing up, I realise my love for his physical little self has very little to do with the actuals. I loved his head when it was covered with baby hair that stood straight up and I loved it when it was covered with loose, silky curls and I love it just as much now that it is cut into short little spikes to help him cope with the summer heat. I loved his arms when they were chubbier and dimpled and bopped me all day and I love them now that they are skinny and hug me fiercely.

5 comments:

dipali said...

Yes, it's true, the physicality of it, and the sheer beauty of these young lives.

Sue said...

Dipali -- It's the kind of beauty you feel compelled to touch. Now I know why those aunties keep pulling cheeks and patting heads!

dipali said...

Absolutely!

Devi Raman said...

Hello Sue,

I share the same feelings. Once the baby beauty fades off and he enters the other phase, not sure whether I will love and adore him as much..hmmm...needs to be seen.

Devi

Sue said...

Devi -- When the facial hair starts I suspect I might be willing to stop kissing and pulling his cheeks. LOL