Saturday, November 05, 2011

On Beauty

[I think I began to write this one for a competition but felt it was too personal for such a platform. It's unfinished, at any rate.]

This is a post that has been so long in the making that I've already written and re-written it several times over in my head in the last few years. I never did write it down though so let it me give it another shot. It's one of those difficult subjects on which not much of what I write conveys exactly how I feel.

When Rahul was a toddler, outgrowing his toddlerhood to be exact, I remember thinking to myself what a very physical love mine is for this child of mine. Our love is for one another. I love the turn of his head, the way his eyes screw up when he grins -- one of the very few things he has condescended to inherit from me -- his unaristocratic feet, his skinny little arms, his non-existent little butt.

I love the physical aspects of my son as fiercely as I love his temperament and characteristics. I used to think it was part of the maternal package (after all I have always felt a possessiveness over his body, having helped create it within me) but as the years pass and I come to terms with his growing up, I realise my love for his physical little self has very little to do with the actuals. I loved his head when it was covered with baby hair that stood straight up and I loved it when it was covered with loose, silky curls and I love it just as much now that it is cut into short little spikes to help him cope with the summer heat. I loved his arms when they were chubbier and dimpled and bopped me all day and I love them now that they are skinny and hug me fiercely.


dipali said...

Yes, it's true, the physicality of it, and the sheer beauty of these young lives.

Sue said...

Dipali -- It's the kind of beauty you feel compelled to touch. Now I know why those aunties keep pulling cheeks and patting heads!

dipali said...


Devi Raman said...

Hello Sue,

I share the same feelings. Once the baby beauty fades off and he enters the other phase, not sure whether I will love and adore him as much..hmmm...needs to be seen.


Sue said...

Devi -- When the facial hair starts I suspect I might be willing to stop kissing and pulling his cheeks. LOL