Friday, August 26, 2011

You say goodbye, I say hello

Last week I severed an old and very cherished friendship. I've done it before and lived to miss the bonds but given the circumstances I've never thought I could have behaved differently then or now.

But this post is not about me. This post is about a friend of mine long estranged from an only sibling, another two friends at odds over they are no longer sure what, a friend looking to make sense of her relationship with her older cousin, about lots of people all around me.

Here is my take:
1. Is the issue really unforgivable? Each time I have walked away is because I found their behaviour or comments about my parents &/or Vicky unacceptable. Strangely enough, when my friends mistreat me that bothers me a lot less, possibly because I too can be a clumsy oaf in my friendships.

2. If you have the chance to patch up with a sibling, do. When it comes to parents and siblings (or indeed, adopted family members) I believe in meeting folks halfway. Life's too short to not talk to your own people. Ideally, your relationship with your parents or siblings should be independent of theirs with your spouse's, although we all know that doesn't always happen!

3. Evaluate your motives. Is it only pride that holds you back? Do you hold back because giving in would be taken as a sign of weakness, or acknowledgment that you were wrong, or because you know that you can never forget what happened and therefore there is no future to this relationship? It is important to know why you are angry or upset.

4. Apologise. I have learnt to humble my pride, one does, if one is married to a Scorpio. While there are occasions where I would rather be proud and retain my self-respect, these are occasions when the issue has been unforgiveable (see #1). An apology may not mend the crack but if you were wrong in your behaviour, act or speech, an apology can go a long way to putting you at peace with yourself.

Of course, all of this depends on the other person wanting to repair the relationship. One cannot say hello when the other person is walking away saying goodbye.


Anonymous said...

"humble pride...married to a scorpio"

so you mean to say scorpions are never wrong?
It's a record unwritten-scorpions NEVER apologize.

R's Mom said...

Awww! but you are right...I think apologise..that works the best

mim said...

forgive and let live...

the mantra of my 30's.

working beautifully for my peace of mind.

Sue said...

Anon -- I never said Scorpios are never wrong. I just said that they find it more difficult to apologise. But yes, I have been known to receive an apology or from Scorpios. They were all Occasions.

R's Mom -- Sometimes aplogies come at the cost of self-respect. These are tricky matters...

MiM -- If you can't forget something can you still forgive? Theoretically I suppose one can but I find if I'm brooding on a particular situation then I probably haven't forgiven really.

perspectivesandprejudices said...

Very well-written. The last line was so poignant - "One cannot say hello when the other person is walking away saying goodbye."

Sue said...

Perspectives -- It's true, isn't it.