The hardest part of being a performer -- for me -- is stepping into the skin of the person or thing I am supposed to be. While I have no qualms using my own experiences to help me feel what my character is supposed to feel, I do have major problems going on to the next step, i.e. leaving Sunayana Roy behind. Sunayana Roy has her head firm on her shoulders and has worked out most of her problems into neat little pigeonholes. The ones she hasn't been able to lock up she has learnt to live with, but that is not what theatre is all about.
I just watched Black Swan with Cousin J (I'm in Delhi right now) and I suddenly had a moment of epiphany. I realised what is holding me back from fully embracing the role of Payal in My Mother Said I Never Should/Ma Bolchhe Korish Na: I'm just too scared to walk into the great, big hole of hurt that is Payal. I've been too scared to let that pain wash over me because it's not something I can snap into and out of in the 1-2 hour rehearsal time.
I guess, though, now it is showtime.