I've been discussing marriage and relationships with the girls and it made me relive some beautifully nostalgic moments in my own life.
You know the best part about being married? How Vicky and I keep making more such memories. Isn't that what a long-term relationship is all about?
I also think part of the sweetness in my relationships has come from the hesitation. The unwillingness to reveal every aspect of my being right from the start. Am I secretive? Not at all. I am if anything insistent on complete honesty, it's a lesson well learnt from my first boyfriend. But I like the process of discovery, of being discovered, so to speak. Even today when Vicky and I usually know each other well enough to predict reactions, I like talking to him because his attitude to events adds something to my own experience of them. That's what I mean about discovery. There's something new all the time. I like predictability but I like newness too.
M4 said the other day that we should marry friends. That's what I did. I married a boy I'd known for some years and known only as a friend for most of that time. He had seen me at my worst and thus could appreciate my best. These things matter. I laughed and teased him at our wedding because I knew this man, under his groom's guise, his smile was the smile of a friend. This is why it was so important to me that my wedding look stayed simple, that I looked like the woman he had fallen in love with. I needed to reassure myself that the wedding ceremony was not conducted between two strangers. If I had met him through a family arrangement -- difficult as it is to imagine that! -- I would have wanted to be his friend before all else. I don't think friendship is marriage, but I think it should be one of the strongest factors when you are entering into a marriage.
Sometimes when I see women I care about getting hurt, I wish I could explain to at least one of them that taking it slow helps. Take it slow, give yourself time to get used to this new person, give him time to get used to you. Attraction, societal sanction, those are just the first steps. But let him open up to you. Should this work out, there is all the time in the world for you to open up to him.