Anyway, so I've been coming across all these mails. And now I see why Beq felt so abandoned, why Cousin T's departure meant so much and oh, I used to write so differently.
Found a paragraph that still echoes in the life I now lead:
'You' being Vicky, since this mail was written to him.
I'm a permanent exile. No matter where I am, it's never where all the
people I love are. I realized that a good ten years ago. It's an
unsettling way to live. If I'm with the parents I won't have you and
vice versa. Or Esha or Soumya or Beq. Somebody is always left out of
the equation. I know I'd rather have you than the rest of them, but
some days I miss them and wish it could be possible for a few months
maybe, to have it all.
Another mail, to my Shejomama, went thus in the middle:
About marriage plans, check with Mater. I chose the chappie and haveAnd here's a lovely couple of lines from Beq:
been told that's all the say I have in these matters.
Chappie being a nice chappie. Told Mejomama about him, I remember.
Very worthy sort of chap, but not too worthy, know what I mean? So
he's no Austrian millionaire (not a count) but he does speak Bengali
and the Didima was categorical upon that being vital, ages ago when I
told her I had decided to marry after all, someday. And I rather
believe he owns a millionth part of a tea-estate or maybe that's only
through various other relatives who have to be slaughtered before I
can claim it.
Someday you'll meet Vicky – that's the chappie – and I do believe
you'll approve. He's the kind of person everybody approves of. That's
why I called him worthy. You'll like him because he's fun so long as
he isn't busy going silent. But he has a wicked sense of humour and
you will admit that is very important. Incidentally, Ma calls him
Soubhik (determined to be formal about it) and gives unsuspecting
people the impression that I'm two-timing my boyfriends… Mejomamidida
(at Bhowanipur) thought so, as did sundry other cousins etc. I ask
you! A conservative young woman like me being subjected to cold looks
because my own family believes I stir the broth with two ladles…
didn't that sound deliciously lewd?
There's the age- old adage (which I will create in a second) that "if you are bored then drink!!!" Which is precisely what you should be doing you know...Vicks Vaporub. LOL.
What's the Vicks vaporub up to? Why isn't he cuddling you AND mollycoddling you?