I’ve been working for nearly three months now and I’m still as unsure as I ever was as to whether this is what I should be doing. Now that Sharabh Niyogy (The Bhablet to you) goes to school I need to wake up early enough to sort out his waterbottle/tiffin and wee bag. Not a long task but I need to be awake and doing it. I need to get his clothes out, have him fed, teeth brushed, clean and ready to be dropped off by 8.15 a.m. I need to find time to eat, bathe, do housework and leave home myself before 10. I get home around 6.15 p.m. and most evenings, we go out somewhere or the other and get home around ten when I drop exhausted into bed. Or potter around trying to get something done and then fall into bed around midnight having achieved exactly nothing.
It sounds like I’ve got huge pockets of time in between when I can get a lot done but I need to cook, clean and regulate their stuff as well as my own and invariably, the cooking is junked in favour of laundry or some other such earth-shatteringly important chore. I’m forgetting to run after paperwork or buy groceries or keep track of what to pick up from where. The two Niyogys both have upset tummies from all the junk they end up eating.
Even I can tell I’m doing this all wrong but I don’t know when to set it right. Weekends we end up outside so I never get things done. Mending is piling up, the ironing too, and drawers are a mess. Dirt is settling down on surfaces and oddments getting lost. I try to send Vicky and Sharabh off so as to have the house to myself but they don’t like losing out on the little time we do have as a family. I am, to use yet another cliché in a blog full of them, at my wits’ end.
I don’t see the point of sitting in an office all day. There is no work that I do that couldn’t be done just as competently by somebody who needs the job more. I hate the idea of my son being shuffled around because I need to “follow” my “dreams”. I dreamt of a home where I lived, not an office far away from it. This agency has been really flexible, and the people in it very welcoming. The work itself is not something I dislike. But I don’t want to stay in an office all day.
What are the pros of a full-time job?
1. Getting out of the house
2. My own income
3. Learning the work
4. Free printing
5. Walking down Park Street every morning
6. The fun of working with my colleagues
7. The feeling of achievement
8. Contacts who know people who get things done
9. Listening to music on the iPod during the commute
10. The prospect of traveling on the job someday