Wednesday, February 11, 2009

On Marriage

I was about to turn off the PC and head home but I wanted to file away this comment I just left at a friend's post:

You'll notice, all through the fights and the injured egos, marriage also seems to be about keeping on falling in love. A particularly complicated kind of love, it's true, but love nonetheless.

If that is true and I feel that is true then I just gave myself a lot of food for thought.

What do you think?

12 comments:

Mama - Mia said...

i think, love like vereything else is life is as complicated or simple as we choose to make it!

marriage is l'il bit of everything in life shared with one person. the love, the fights, the hopes, the dreams cherished and crashed, ego, the jump from selfish to selfless and back.

and if you are secure in that relationship and the love is indeed growing, i wont call it complicated! :)

cheers!

abha

DewdropDream said...

I find that rather charming, reassuring and romantic. It suits me just fine. And I'm gojng to file this piece of wisdom from you away, in my 'Marriage 101' file. :)

dipali said...

But of course!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Pass me some salt please, I think I need a pinch to go with this! :)

umarah said...

I dont think so.I think after sometime the constant or regular fights bring this resentment to the heart.It tells that there are some issues that surface again and again because they are not solved or negotiated or compromised.In the beginning it will be nice to have a argument and than make up but after few years or so it just makes you angry or indifferent.

Casuarina said...

I agree. K and I hardly quarrel but when we do, I just go on a didactic rampage while he retreats into a brooding silence. That calms me down soon and makes me feel rather embarrassed abt losing my cool in the first place. Next morning however, we’re on speaking terms again, having slept over the issues and deciding it wasn’t worth hurting each other to that extent for. It's hard at times to reach this stage, esp when it's something pertaining to our respective parents or attitude to life, where we secretly persist in feeling that we were right after all. But we do constantly try to bury the hatchet anew because we had anticipated such obstacles and known that we'd face them when we came to them. I think our bond strengthens a little bit each time, although we do make a mental note of the other's sensitive areas and try not to be wary of getting too close there in future. But yes, it sure is a process of falling in love anew. K probably reminds himself overnight that he was, after all, drawn to my forthrightness, and I recall wanting to marry someone who’d just hear me out and be patient and pleasant with me, whatever the issue. So there !

D said...

Absolutely true. And both the people in a marriage need to realise that.

Saya said...

hello there.. yes... rediscovering why you both are perfect for one another is very important..

Clytemnestra said...

That's so beautifully put Sue! And I also agree with what Casuarina and Umarah have said above. In the short time now that I've been married (2 & 3/4th months!) its been a voyage of discovery for us. There are days when I love him - almost worship him - for one thing and then absolutely despise him for the next. And then he does something that makes me adore him even better than before!
I've also found myself wondering whether marriage was the right thing to do after all. But more than anything, what has kept us grounded and happy(touchwood!) is the fact that we know that no matter what, we can resolve our differences and find something to love each-other anew. It is also important that we've realised - and I give my husband credit for this since I'm the silent brooding type - to not let hurts fester and resolve sensitive issues once and for all so that no resentment remains at all. Love is complicated, Marriage even more so; but Commitment conquers all - thats what I've learnt with my Sunny.

Btw, have taken a liberty and mailed you a pic from my Bhaat-Kaapor ritual where I draped the sari Bengali style as per your instructions. Check it out when you have time :-)

Itchingtowrite said...

bingo as usual. and i really believe in it. i regularly fall in love with teh husband quite often

Avanti Sané said...

Very true.

Sue said...

Abha -- It seems complicated to me when I'm never entirely sure that I'm with the man I ought to be and yet have moments of happiness with him that I have never experienced with anybody else and cannot imagine sharing with anybody that is not him.

Dewdrop -- Don't bother filing. :) You'll find plenty to fill your file once you're married and you won't need it before!

Dipali -- You give me courage.

M4 -- You don't agree? :)

Umarah -- I find that just as the old resentments make me bitter, the 'old' love also makes me feel more secure. Still lonely, but more secure of my place in the universe. It could be different for you, of course.

Casuarina, Clytemnestra -- Oi, you finish your first anniversary then you can talk!

D -- I sometimes think Vicky realises all this without needing to sort his thoughts out or discuss them with the world.

Saya -- Oh I don't know about the perfect for each other bit, but yes, it's nice to be occasionally reminded of what you are doing in each others' lives.

Itchy -- Yaar, these mens don't deserve us. :(

Avanti -- And is this a good thing or a bad thing?