Monday, February 09, 2009

Of Sons

The last few months have been extremely difficult for me, personally. The Bhabbles was being a real pain; he wouldn’t come to me, talk to me, sit with me or play with me. It’s not that he was showing any obvious signs of anger and he seemed fine with me going away to office everyday but he kept asking for his father, going so far as to order me away when I tried to do anything for or with him.

I cried a lot, yelled at Vicky and eventually just gave up. No, before you jump to his defence, a little part of it was Vicky’s fault. Given the recent upheavals we both tried to be extra tolerant of toddler bossiness but Vicky was making the cardinal mistake of going along with Bheblu when he was ordering me away. By the time we realized the extent of the damage, it seemed to have been well and truly done. But yes, Vicky didn’t condone this behaviour and once he realized that I was really upset by it, he tried to make things better.

Nothing worked. Things came to a head one night last week when Vicky was feeding him dinner and I finished up in the kitchen and came to sit next to them. The Bhabbles casually leaned over, told me to go away and prepared to carry on his convivial chat with his dad. He wasn’t prepared for Vicky’s sudden and extreme, angry reaction. Vicky just yelled, walked off and refused to speak to him then or later. I tried to pacify him but he wasn’t having any of it. He refused to wish him good night or show him in any way that he had forgiven him. A thoroughly cowed little boy sadly went to bed that night.

I spoke to my mother a little later in the night and indignantly told her that it wasn’t fair of Vicky to tolerate the nonsense for so long and then suddenly blow up like that without explaining to the boy what the problem was. I said, how could he possibly learn a lesson if all his father did was to glower at him from across the room? My mother, to my surprise, was fairly unsympathetic towards either Bheblu or my indignation, and said that Bheblu also needed to learn to understand his father’s moods and expressions. There was nothing I could do at that point any way, so I pretty much left things alone.

Since that night – it’s been the best part of a week now – things have gone back to normal. Bheblu shuttles between us, happy to be with either, asking after the missing parent but totally at his ease without him/her. Whatever was bothering him seems to have sorted itself out.

And then I know, my son is growing up faster than even I can tell. But apparently not too fast for his grandmother to be able to follow, bless them both!


Aathira said...

Isn't it interesting to note how kids also get affected and show their irritation in very different ways.

They eventually learn I guess....

Sue said...

Aathira -- Yes, actually, it is quite fascinating.

~nm said...

Oh well...these kids and what they feel or think is just so difficult to understand. Or is it not?

I know it an hurt really bad feeling dejected by the fruit of your womb.

Good that the things are back in track.

Sue said...

~nm -- Normally I do a good job of figuring out what it is that is bothering him. This one time, nothing I did helped. It was awesome the way father and son fought it out, though.

Monika,Ansh said...

I do understand how difficult it must have been for u. Glad things got sorted out.

dipali said...

Your mother is wise, Sue.
I'm glad things are more balanced now:)

Subhashree said...

How fascinating these kids are! I am at awe when kids pick up non-verbal cues and sort things out by themselves.

Sue, he is growing intelligent emotionally :)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Yes, went through this with the YO, as recently as two weeks ago. On the ship in the Andamans, he just refused to be with me and threw a tantrum when his dad went on deck for some fresh air. I was so upset, that when the MIM came back, I handed him his precious bundle and ran to thge deck for a breath of fresh air and a good cry. I come back and what do I hear? The 'concerned' co-passengers commenting on how the son prefers the father over the mother!!!

Mama - Mia said...

oh well. Cubby is his papa's boy! when he was a baby his preference was even stronger and M and me had horrid fights with me being the bitch!

anyhoo. i settled down before the damage was permanent!

now its deman for whoever is NOT free at that moment! :p

glad things all figured out! :D



the mad momma said...

hugs woman. thats all i have to offer...

Sue said...

Monika -- Yes it was!

Dipali -- She's perfected the art of Keeping Quiet. Maybe I will too, one day.

Subha -- :)

M4 -- Oh poor you. Sounds like a really upsetting episode. These mens... out to get us. Who needs them anyway!

Abha -- Oh, really? I didn't notice Cubby sticking to his dad as such. The Bhabs used to be daddy's boy too but not at my expense.

MM -- Thanks, babe. I'm so relieved to have things back on their normal whacky track.