Monday, January 19, 2009

On Divorce


Poisoning this relationship is so wrong.

15 comments:

Banno said...

Couldn't agree more, Sue. Why burden the child with your own baggage?

Sue said...

Banno -- Such an easy thing to do, though. Still can't believe the number of mothers who do it out of bitterness.

Mama - Mia said...

this is so Sue! :)


cheers!

abha

D said...

Sometimes, it becomes important to poison a relationship to keep yourself sane. Not the best choice to have to make, but sometimes the only one there.

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

You break my heart sometimes girl, you really do! There's a poetic sadness in your words.

Smitha said...

Couldn't agree more - However, as D mentions - I guess sometimes, it might be necessary...The only choice..

Sue said...

Abha -- Like your comment was so Abha? :)

D -- No, nothing excuses messing with somebody else's child's mind. Even if they are poisoning the child against you. I'm sorry, but I really cannot find a pertinent excuse for it.

M4 -- There's a great deal of sadness behind the post, I'm afraid.

Smitha -- There are other ways to live your life than by messing up your son's head. The father might be an absolute loser but it's not for the other parent to teach a child so. It is for the other parent to demonstrate to the child what a parent should be and leave the child to make up his own mind. Nothing, not anything at all, excuses poisoning a boy against his adored father. I say this in part for the father, who may be a real jerk as a man but may really be a loving father, but I mainly say this for the son because you are destroying his idol for the sake of your personal problems.

My parents have frequently ranted to my brother and me about each other but we always knew that they were venting. I mean, we knew that we ourselves were never allowed to show any disrespect based on that ranting. I might have problems with my husband but I would be a pretty poor sort of mother if the basis of the respect that my son feels for me is the disgust I think he needs to feel for his father. It really messes children up.

Monika,Ansh said...

That's a deep thought. & a sad one. Hope things r fine.
Hugs

Smitha said...

Sue, I think I came across incorrectly. I did not mean to say that it is okay to poison a child's mind against any parent. I was just trying to say that sometimes divorce might be the only option! Playing a child against his/her parents is inexcusable. And my stand is always that even if divorce becomes a necessity - as parents, we need to show each other respect so that the child does not get effected...Sorry for the misunderstanding

dipali said...

Parents having and showing their love and respect for each other is the best gift a child can ever get.
Yes, parents are allowed to vent to their children too!

Munchkin said...

Funny you say that..the other day I was discussing this with my husband..about how people can separate once they have kids...the kids tie you up so closely and intimately ...i know it completely depends on the situation but the ways in which the children suffer is awful

Sue said...

Monika -- Oh yes, thanks, this was not written with my own family in mind. Two marriages are on the rocks in our social circle and one couple has a child, so things are a little sad.

Smitha -- OK, I get you. You need to re-read D's comment, then. Yes, I have nothing against divorce per se, so long as you've given marriage your best shot. Better than living on together in bitterness and resentment.

Dipali -- So now you know why you have such wonderful kids, don't you?

Avanti -- I would say that children are not ties, they are connections and only some of the many connections holding a coupe together. If the other connections snap, then kids alone can't keep a family together, poor things.

Beq said...

But divorce doesn't necessarily HAVE to poison any relationship.

the mad momma said...

what beq said. although i dont think you were getting even as far as divorce.

i agree.

Sue said...

Beq -- No, it doesn't and it oughtn't. But it does poison things, unfortunately.

MM -- The couple I had in mind when I wrote this, I met the father with the son later. They were still a little bit on edge. Very sad.