Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Dust Flies Still

Mainly because Vicky's a lousy housekeeper.

OK, no, it's mainly because I can't settle down to the new routine. Rahul's not too happy with it but he's coping better than I'd hoped. Or so I was thinking. But it's also true that these last few weeks have seen the Terrible Twos come storming back into our lives. He was becoming so much easier to deal with but now he is whining all day, nothing seems to please him and he and I have been fighting endlessly.

This morning things took an upswing. I was sitting at the Mac with my morning coffee when he came toddling out of his cot (N.B. He can now climb in as well as out now, and we're pretty thrilled about it. No more rushing to get him in or out.) and hugged me. We haven't had any serious fights since although things got a bit nasty later in the evening. I have been miserable, feeling left out and unloved because father and son seemed so complete and self-sufficient in themselves. But I suppose it was me standing outside rather than them closing me out.

I come back to a home that's basically a mess and I don't mean the toys being on the floor either. I mean wet laundry in both bathrooms, used dishes in various places, mattresses not being aired, windows never having been opened all day and stuff like that. And I've been getting upset because somebody else is looking after my home and doing a lousy job of it. I don't want to think of how long it took me to learn to look after my home. How I added a chore each day as I learnt it needed to be done. That Vicky is freelancing full-time from home now and needs the time to work.

Well, I'm thinking of that now and it's true, I did tell him I'd fly off the handle but would he please overlook it because underneath it, all I wanted him to do was take care of himself and the boy. Everything else would happen somehow.

My second day of work today and things are falling into places. Hours have been fixed -- a consideration I really appreciate from an advertising agency -- and it is something I have been insistent about since I need to be able to at least take the babycare off Vicky's shoulders for a fixed amount of time everyday. I still don't know why I'm doing this to myself but I'm willing to finish the week before I apply for retirement.

This is what my horoscope for tomorrow (today) says:

Try to accept things they way they are right now -- even if they're not exactly how you want them to be. Keep in mind that things will never be perfect. So the sooner you can learn how to be more flexible, the better! Being uncomfortable, either emotionally or physically, isn't necessarily a bad thing, anyway. There is a lot of opportunity for growth when you are struggling to make things better. If everything was easy, then attaining things wouldn't be very rewarding.

In the meantime, Vicky is learning to cook khichudi for his son's lunch.


DotThoughts said...

Its totally commendable how you both are working this out! It can't be easy! Hats off to you!

Mystic Margarita said...

As all of you find your groove, things will start getting a little easier, Sue. Hang in there.

Sue said...

Dot -- Well, it's not easy on the system. But we're all being determined.

Mystic -- You sure? Thanks anyway.

dipali said...

Your forecast sounds pretty sensible, Sue. And guys seem to have different perceptions of both 'clean' and 'tidy.' It might get worse before it
gets better, but you know your priorities. All the best, Sue and boys.

Itchingtowrite said...

linked your post

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

There's always a period of adjustment, Sue. I'm sure everything will fall into place.

I think you and your boys are doing admirably well, so hugs to you!

Monika,Ansh said...

Sounds so stressful Sue. Kudos to V though for taking up the responsibility. Many husband's would never do it even if they were home full time.
I am sure things will only get better form here.
All the best for all of u.

Artnavy said...

hang in there- i am sure things will only get better

and hats off to v as well

Ritu said...

Baby steps, small baby steps that win you the entire kingdom. Just take one day at a time - before you know you have won an entire happy life. Sounds zen-ish I know but it works


Mama - Mia said...

oh yaar one day at a time!! :)

sometimes i thank my pig genes!! this whole cleanliness bit doesnt get to me easily! :p

all said and done! all in good time!! just little patience and lots of love should take you through!!

its just day 2 woman!! geez!! :)



Rohini said...

Did I miss something? Wasn't there supposed to be a maid around somewhere who is supposed to be cleaning??!

Subhashree said...

Hang on, sue... It will take some time for all of you to get adjusted to the new routine... and loosen up a bit. Men and housekeeping very rarely go hand in hand.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Dipali. I also think that once the mundaness sets in, V might find his own groove - not necessarily in the form of better housekeeping though. Big Byte, for instance, does a much better job of taking pictures/videos of Nibbles and lets Nibbles experiment more because he's not always thinking about the cleanup after.

I do hope the oscillations between professional highs and urges to quit prove more exciting than nauseating - after all, it means you have two wonderful worlds to call yours.

Null Pointer

Squiggles Mom said...

Everybody is heading back to work and here's I;m thinking of quitting! What you doing SUe?

Sue said...

Dipali -- Well, it's been a while now and yes, I don't mind the mess, I find. I just need to know that they are both eating well and happy.

Itchy -- Thanks, bud.

M4 -- :) Thank you.

Monika -- Yes, I know. He's working full-time too, even if he is working from home.

Art -- Thanks, from us both.

Ritu -- :) But I'm the kind who needs it all to work out perfectly now. Anyway. My biggest concern now is our permanent tiredness. V and I seem to be permanently out of energy!

Abha -- See reply to Ritu above. Anyway, it's a bit more than day 2, and yes, it's showing signs of falling into place. *crosses fingers*

Ro -- Yeah we have a maid coming in the morning to do dishes and floor and a couple of odd jobs depending on time. But it still seems like I'm permanently cleaning up.

Subha -- LOL, no men and housekeeping do not seem to go hand-in-hand. Anyway, I've told Vicky that his primary concerns are the boy and getting his own work done. The household will stagger along.

Null Pointer -- Well... I'm still at the stage where I'm wondering What Is The Purpose of It all? :D I mean, who needs a career anyway. That apart work is good.

Squiggle's Mom -- I'm a copywriter at an advertising agency.