Saturday, June 28, 2008


Some of you may remember my Survival Guide for Daughters-in-Law.

There was just something I wanted to add: there may come a time, if you are particularly unfortunate, when things just don't work out. When you've tried, tried and tried some more. When you've bent and given and shown the other cheek more times than you'd have believed yourself capable of.

When you really have done all this, and I speak of years of effort, understand, not a few months, then I think you should also give up while you still have some shreds of self respect left and walk on with the rest of your life. Be polite and courteous and distant. Eventually, things will fall in place. They always do. And often, even when people refuse to acknowledge changing attitudes and perceptions, the attitudes and perceptions and consequently behaviour also change.

This takes a long time, going by what some of my friends say.

I'm glad I've not had to wait so long. My patience isn't famous for its quality.


Random Vignettes said...

Do you know something Sue? I have bookmarked that post of yours and I keep going back to it when I feel the need to. U might not be very patient according to u but I think you provided a lot of wisdom in that post as well as this. And wisdom in this matter is something we can all do with


D said...

I've always mainatined that: if yo need a guide to survive in your own home, could a M-I-L be worth it?

Suni said...

Hi Sue,

I came across your blog very recently through indianmommies.blogspot. I just had to delurk after reading this post.

The survival guide post was just awesome!! I can relate so much with each and every point mentioned. I have been living with my in-laws for the past five years and life has not been all that cosy. So been there and done most of that. Compromising and adjustment from my part has managed to keep the boat sailing. Slowly but has helped.

Sparx said...

Well done for maintaining your sang froit hon - I don't know how I would have coped!

Sue said...

RV -- I'm a collector of experiences. It's all collected wisdom. Feels weird, like an ill-fitting dress, when it's attributed to me. But I'm glad it helps. :)

D -- The early times need guides,. Heck, even husbands need guides. And sometimes the MILs turn out to be worth it. My case being, don't give up. Not unless you've given it a try and can only conclude that what you get is worth less than what you give.

Suni -- Hi, so happy to have you delurk just to say that. I've been attacked by people for my 'regressive' stance, but hey, there you are, standing and saying that giving a little gets one good returns. Thanks.

Sparx -- :) You'd probably have done way better. Not being 23 and heedless and Angry Young Woman.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.