Sunday, November 18, 2007

This afternoon Rahul and I went for Nunu's shaad. That is the Bengali version of a baby shower.

Made me feel a little wistful, because that is pretty much the last time you are fussed over entirely for yourself, as a woman, as a girl. For everything else for the rest of your life you seem to be a mother/wife/sister/daughter as much as you may be you. It made me feel wistful because I didn't really have one. It's something your in-laws arrange for you, and afterwards, perhaps your own parents also have a smaller do. Ma wanted to give me one but didn't dare, since she didn't want V's parents to make an issue of it. So she settled for a small, special lunch for me.

I'm not saying I wanted her to throw a huge party, but a baby should be something to celebrate. I hate how V's mother and my gynaecologist made the whole anticipation one of depression and fear rather than happy expectation. I guess the hurts will stay on, until one day they just disappear. In the meantime I take courage from the fact that we are having dinner with V's parents tonight, and his mother is happily planning her precious grandson's meal.

Nunu seemed very happy, though. Was glowing, as she is supposed, and saying the same smart-alecky things I said last year. I smiled to myself and felt very experienced -- Rohini, did I make you feel like that last year? -- and let her rattle on. She has a strong maternal streak in her, for all her no-nonsense ways, and will make a very good mother soon. The Bhablet fed her the payesh, which was the reason behind his invitation to a ladies' only event. I did warn her that it's not a good omen, considering the child who sits with you is supposed to have an influence over the baby you're expecting, but she insisted.

Had a Cal Walks training session in Chowringhee. Once I get their blog sorted out I'll put a link here, and you guys can take a look at what we are doing. It's ever so fascinating, really. It's like walking back in time, in discovering the history in the now, in being awed by the implications in a simple reflection of the Raj Bhavan as seen against a car showroom window. (The Raj Bhavan looked cleaner, shinier, and the swanky sedan looked like it was parked arrogantly in front -- two hundred years of history, science, sociology and architecture collated on a sheet of glass.)

I'll end this post with something I just read on Hip Hop Grandma's latest gup shup:

I was upset at something that my husband said and was about to retaliate when [my mother-in-law] shut me up much to my irritation.

“Wait till you reach my age” she said. “You can get then away with saying anything you want and he won’t even bother to listen to what you say. The bonding will be such he will not mind it even if he heard you. But not now my child. You need to grow old together before the privilege is yours.”

It reminded me of a resolution I have been considering of late: that every time I really bitch about V here, not to tease him, but really say nasty things about him, I could also remind myself of something positive about him. It's a healing sort of thing to do when I'm feeling all raw after a fight and it's a fair sort of thing to do since he stopped blogging long ago and so does not defend himself against me. I'm not sure I'll actually do this, but I like the idea.

(What? You thought I had reformed?)


Parul said...

You need to grow old together before the privilege is yours....I like the depth in that.

Itchingtowrite said...

hey! i was telling my husband that he never bothered with the baby shower..he said - people used to do it earlier becoz there used to be high chances of the women snuffing off during childbirth and this was one chance of happiness for her!! adn so we did not do it for u as we want u back!! what a logic! for me it was like a chance to get gold as they show in TV serials

Minka said...

pshaw !! it's your blog to rant on about anything you wish ( wait a minute, if we had a blog run by a couple and people came and awarded judgements , that would be fabulous , no ? No , I think !) . so there !!Apparently , I am still smarting with weekend wars with hubby on how to maintain your spine despite your mother

DotMom said...

I loved the little snippet from hip-hop grandma. It IS something to ponder over especially since I seem to take BiGeek for granted!

Rohini said...

It seems like such a long time ago... but no, I definitely don't have any memory of you being smart alecky

Sue said...

Parul -- So do I. Now, learning it is a different matter altogether. If I don't find fault with V, who else will I fault?

ITW -- Isn't it organised by your in-laws? For us it is. And it is celebrated so that everybody can wish the mother-to-be! Your husband owes you a five-star dinner just for saying that!

Minka -- Sounds like a fun idea. I'm so glad we live by ourselves. Now, even if he or I criticise each other's parents, it's easier to keep things in perspective.

DotMom -- I know. But then I think, I marry a man so that I can have somebody in my life who I can take for granted. Somebody who will stay, no matter what, and understand without needing explanations. So why not criticism?

Rohini -- No? What I meant was, did I make you feel all superior? I know you got a lot of fun out of scaring me silly. :) Come to think of it, I guess you can and always will be able to do that.