Friday, February 23, 2007

(Almost) A Regular Pollyanna

I post a lot about Rahul, and often about V, and when I post regularly, I write about the daily events of my life. I notice though, I have more or less stopped writing about me. Even the last post (which I now realise was perhaps not of overwhelming interest to anybody who has never had to mash baby food) was less about me than it was about motherhood and attendant hardships.

Perhaps that's a good thing, but I don't know. Then again, the blog is living up to the tagline: I write about the days and the thoughts but not necessarily of the person.

The thing is, I have been getting a lot of spam comments all through my archives of late. I must have got close on a hundred these last few days. I get notifications of all comments at my email id, and all these had me reading through some of those old posts. I certainly wrote a lot about me then.

About a year ago I began a private blog. I know, that makes no sense, but I preferred typing to writing and blogging was more fun than maintaining a diary. That only lasted a few months but in that time I got out of the habit of writing my innermost thoughts out here. That and the trouble with the in-laws. I had enough on my plate without giving people more fodder for scandal -- "Do you know, she actually had the temerity to write about family affairs on the internet!" I still heard that accusation anyway, but at least it was and remained undeserved. No, I'm not giving any links here because although it's all in the archives I don't think it needs to really resurface.

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When was the last I woke up early in the morning and felt well and happy and savoured the feeling of having nothing to do? Can't remember. Some of that, yes, but all of the above?

Rahul insists on staying up crying at nights and it's so exhausting. It's as much as I can do to just get through the day, most days. On top of that we are having water problems. It's really too bad.

But then, you do count your blessings at such times:

1. When you do manage to find some time when you can afford to lie back and do nothing, not even think of unfinished chores, you really appreciate it.

2. Staying up nights is the perfect excuse for not doing any housework or cooking or for being in a foul mood.

3. It certainly tests your endurance if not your love and patience. If you can keep yourself from walloping a bawling brat who just will not go to sleep even at 3 in the morning you are as close to being a monument of patience as you ever will be. And you all know, patience is not exactly my strong suit.

I can't think of any more so I'll stop rambling right now. I've stayed too long anyway and need to go make juice and wake up WB, not to mention V, and start their morning. On a parting note -- try operating a breast pump while surfing the 'net. I did, this morning, and have decided neither is worth the combined effort. So, since surfing will not nourish my baby, guess which will be cut out? *Sigh*

5 comments:

Rohini said...

You have my vote in Point 3. There have been occasions (especially before I went back to work) when my temper has overtook my better judgement and I walloped. But I found a solution - I walked away when I knew that I was going to lose it. I let someone else watch Ayaan while the bad mood passed.

Grafxgurl said...

sigh.. im going to have to go through ALLLLLL of this sometime soon.. yikes!!!not for two years or suddenely...lol whichever comes sooner!!

hang in there...im getting used to whole different planet here....give me mucky Calcutta anyday!!

Sunayana Roy said...

Rohini - Sometimes I haven't the option of walking away (because there is no-one else), and then I lose it too. The good thing is, he doesn't hold grudges. Yet.

Grafx - Yes, you'll have to! You can grumble to me, then. :)

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

If it's any consolation, fathers also stay up for midnight feeds and crying babies.

J.A.P.

Sunayana Roy said...

JAP - So? They do it from time to time. My brief is 24/7!