Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hush

Sometime after I came to Calcutta, I stopped singing. I often wonder why. It used to be my one real talent. Everything else I was only ‘good at’, or interested in, but as a singer I was better than most, even if I say so myself. Actually, why the false modesty, everybody who heard me used to say it too.

Something about this city, the loneliness, the peer pressure (not knowing the right music, the in songs), the lack of things to sing about, they all somehow put an end to it. Time was, when I not only had a song for every mood, but could almost conduct entire conversations purely through songs. Now I hardly remember any of them, and the ones I do remember I do so in parts.

I used to sing even when I was sad. I actually had a song to sing when I felt low (no, I’m not going to tell you what it was.) These days though I only sing to V when his sleep is disturbed, and since the whole point is to get him to stay sleeping, I’ve forgotten how to belt ‘em out. My voice just doesn't do it any more. The other evening I tried singing Animal Instinct, and suddenly I realized my voice was wavering. You can’t sing The Cranberries with a wobbly voice!

Staying in apartments does make a difference. I don’t feel very comfortable singing as loudly as I used, because I don’t want the attention. Since when did I become so adult that I minded unsolicited attention?

9 comments:

WishfulThinker said...

Yeah dude, you just gotta sing when you just gotta sing. I remember being almost disowned by a couple of my friends once because I just HAD to sing 'Theres A Hole In The Bucket' by Belafonte at a coffee shop. If you're familiar with the song, then you can imagine why they wanted to disown me. :D

the wannabe indian punkster said...

and yay! youre back to blogging..:)

Grafxgurl said...

THIS i can relate to.... im stuck in an apartment all day long as well.. at my parents' home no less....AND my dad bugs me EVERYDAY to play the violin seconds with him ....im good at playing western classical violin.... went to music school til the 8th grade....and yet i feel so embarassed to play in front of them...i can relate SOOOOO much to you sometimes...i used to sing for my college band all the time...and kept singing in concerts while i was growing up....i just cannot do it here at home... the violin i mean....i get so irritated when my parents appreciate my playing....i hate "performing"...it doesnt make sense i know( i KNOW that sounds really crazy).....but its true!!!

Sue said...

Wishful - Do you listen to Rolf Harris? There's his song The Court of King Carractecus which almost beats Hole in My Bucket ;-)

Megha - Yes, I am, yay! Dropped by your place y'day, but didn't leave any messages.

Grafx - Yeah, it embarasses me to sing for family. There's this ghastly nyaka song I picked up for the fun of it, and since they love it so much, they force me to sing it all over the place. Tumi je amar... I could die!

Rohini said...

I know just what you mean. I sing much less since I moved into poky, crowded Mumbai. But I do still belt it out when I am driving to and from work everyday. The people outside can’t hear me but I do get some pretty strange looks. I also sing to Ayaan but I use a much softer and gentler tone and note for that.

Anonymous said...

Oh it's a boolsheet.

(forgot the password, and i can't bother with it now - V)

Sue said...

Rohini - Yeah, that's the only kind of singing I do these days. The shout-alongs seem to have petered out.

V - What, now I'm supposed to remember your passwords? Shono, can we get a link to Bullshit

Beq said...

SING goddammit SING. You still sing the best Animal Instinct that I've heard anyone sing...

Sue said...

Beq - It's a case of Solo why'd you have to be so low? You've been waiting in the sun too long

Miss you, daftie. You must come and see the baby after it's born.