Thursday, March 23, 2006

Happiness, More or Less

An aunt of mine sent me this list today. Actually, she sent it for V. But reading it got me thinking, the list of ways to keep men happy (at the end) is all too incomplete. So I revised it, going by the knowledge picked up over 2 months of marriage and roughly 7 years of dating. The numbering is co-ordinated, of course. Happy reading.

From my aunt (marked by >)

>(1) How to Keep a Woman Happy? It's not very difficult... All you have to do is to be -
>
> 1. A friend
> 2. A companion
> 3. A lover
> 4. A brother
> 5. A father
> 6. A master
> 7. A chef
> 8. An electrician
> 9. A carpenter
> 10. A plumber
> 11. A mechanic
> 12. A decorator
> 13. A stylist
> 14. Good in bed
> 15. A gynecologist
> 16. A psychologist
> 17. A pest exterminator
> 18. A psychiatrist
> 19. A healer
> 20. A good listener
> 21. An organizer
> 22. A good father
> 23. Very clean
> 24. Sympathetic
> 25. Athletic
> 26. Warm
> 27. Attentive
> 28. Gallant
> 29. Intelligent
> 30. Funny
> 31. Creative
> 32. Tender
> 33. Strong
> 34. Understanding
> 35. Tolerant
> 36. Prudent
> 37. Ambitious
> 38. Capable
> 39. Courageous
> 40. Determined
> 41. True
> 42. Dependable
> 43. Passionate
>
> WITHOUT FORGETTING TO -
>
> 44. Give her compliments regularly
> 45. Love shopping
> 46. Be honest
> 47. Be very rich
> 48. Not stress her out
> 49. Not look at other girls
>
> AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO -
>
> 50. Give her lots of attention,
> 51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
> 52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
>
> IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU -
>
> 53. Never forget:
> birthdays
> anniversaries
> arrangements she makes
>
>
> (2) HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY?
> 1. Leave him in peace
> 2. Feed him well
> 3. Let him have the remote control.


Disagreeing with this last bit, I made my own list, as follows:

1)How to Keep a Man Happy is a bit more complicated than that. You have to be

1. A girlfriend (in itself a full-time job)
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. All his siblings, particularly if you happen to be unlucky enough to be much younger than him
5. A mother
6. A mistress
7. A chef
8. A tailor
9. A laundress
10. A nurse
11. A child-minder
12. A decorator
13. A wardrobe-in-charge
14. Good in bed
15. A GP
16. A psychologist
17. Able to live with the disgusting bugs he likes, including lizards
18. A psychiatrist
19. A kiss-and-make-it-betterer
20. A good listener
21. An organiser
22. A good mother
23. Forget all you were ever taught about hygiene
24. Sympathetic
25. Interested in all kinds of sports
26. Hot
27. Attentive
28. A helpless ball of fluff
29. Not too intelligent
30. Like being the butt of his jokes
31. Creative, especially in the kitchen and in bed (in that order, usually)
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Have enough common sense for two
37. Ambitious enough for two
38. Be capable of finishing all the odd jobs he leaves half done around the house
39. Not too brave
40. Not too stubborn
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO

44. Look at him adoringly even when he hasn't shaved in days
45. Not mind that he'd rather sleep at home than help you shop for the groceries that he'll eat.
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich or at least self-supporting
48. Not stress him out
49. Not look at other men.

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO

50. Give him lots of attention
51. Give him lots of time, especially time for himself
52. Give him lots of space, never worrying about where he's gone or how late it is already and he still isn't back

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU
53. Never forget
- his family birthdays, because he will, and they'll blame you
- his family anniversaries, because he will, and they'll blame you
- arrangements he makes

54. Always let him have the remote control.

15 comments:

WishfulThinker said...

LOL! That was one very funny, and very true list!!! :D

Sue said...

Thanks wishful. Just realised my list tells you a lot of how I see V-the-husband. Also, why he doesn't look half as perky as he did pre-marriage.

*chuckles evilly and winks

Sourav Ghosh said...

I agree with your aunt but not with you. Men are simple ,uncomplicated creatures. Women , their needs & wants complicates them.

;-D

Sue said...

Sourav, I wrote this with Bong men in mind. (Well, ok, one particular Bengali man, mostly).

Learn to recognise yourselves. IMO most Bong men start out ok but are made into self-centred horrors by their mothers. (Said with lots of Bongs in mind.)

Rat said...

Whos the person in your profile picture ?

Interesting post by the way.

Sue said...

Rat, it's me. It's the only pic I could find of me writing, so...

Funny you should mention it because I've always loved your pic! Did you draw it yourself?

Rimi said...

heh, one incredible partner right here, then. except the hot bit, and the overlooking hygiene bit, and the ambitious bit, and the...oh, ok. point taken.

it was hilarious, till, you know, it hits you that it's also bloody real. damn.

Sourav Ghosh said...

Hmm..then you should qualify such generalisation as you did now. And yes, Moms are not responsible for whatever horror creatures we are.I thought you were not tht typical "Saans- Bahu" type but it seems you might be. Hope I am wrong ! Cheers

Casablanca said...

Loved the post. So true, so true! And whoever said men arent complicated?? They are so complicated that they cant even sort themselves out.

And looks like you've hurt Mr.Ghosh aka Momma's Boy's feelings. He might just go running to Mom to complain about you ;)

Sue said...

Rimi - You got it. It started out as a joke. Then it hit me some where sensitive. But it's still funny :-)

Sourav - You generalised, really. My point was simple. I get lots of these mails. They are funny. But lots of them are used to 'prove' that women make life difficult. Truth is, they are only as complicated as the men in their lives.

Cas - Funny, I got the same feeling. Who knows, plaintive phone calls were made to Momma last night.

Rat said...

No actually its of Ratbert from Scott Adams Dilbert Comic strip ?

Sue said...

Rat, now that you mention it, I should have known. Dilbert illustrations are distinctive...

that girl in pink said...

he he! you know, while i agree with u i must also give credit to your aunt's list.
sure guys require us to be all those things you mention but unlike the menfolk, we don't have to make the effort of a lifetime at being all that.
let's face facts, we're just naturally that giving, loving and talented. and of course modest.

Sue said...

Pink, that's true too! We have to work much less at being all those things, so maybe, in a weird kind of way, relationships are easier on women. (Never tell the husband I admitted that!)

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