Saturday, May 07, 2005

Dear World,
I make too much of my life. I expect too much out of it and am too disappointed when it lets me down. This handsome admission I make now, because I want the world to know that whatever else my faults are, I am at least honest, if only with my own self.
I'm living in Santoshpur now. It's ok. Could be much worse. I just wish people wouldn't stay up for me, or prepare meals or do stuff like that because they invariably expect me to reciprocate. And I have so completely got out of the habit of living with another person.
I'm counting the days till I leave Cal. Because I want to leave and also because then I will start missing that stupid old Joe of mine. Sometimes, like exams, you want the pain to begin *now* so that it can also end quicker. And I only have about 2 more weeks of JU left. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? (For the uninitiated, that was a direct quote from Mejopishi's distraught mutterings when told that Anindyakaku was coming back to live in Cal. Heh heh heh)
Talking of A'kaku, he called me up the other day. Was asking me where I am and how I am. Mejdida said, on Sunday, when he and Mejopishi dropped by, he looked upset. Why do so many people get hurt by what I do? The old question of innocent bystanders etc... but then, a little voice says inside me, why couldn't he do anything while it was all building up? A pointless line to take. No, things are better the way they have worked out. I need these occasional lessons in humility. Takes me quite a while to get the message, anyway.
Oh but I want to be home in Chennai, lazing my days away sleeping or reading books I know already, or just eating the food I like. I want a holiday. Stomp stomp STOMP! (That's me throwing a tantrum.)

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