Thursday, January 27, 2005

Isn’t it strange how amongst all the other kids who entertain me and occasionally endear themselves to me, one runs right in and captures my heart straight out so that I miss him days after he has left? Ghocha, wherever you are, this one’s for you. I
I miss the fun and bustle of Sonali’s wedding although it’s been almost a week since the fell deed was done. But more than that, much more, I miss that damn nephew of hers. I keep hearing him call me “Sunnny” in that way he does so it’s an effort not to turn, to remind myself that it’s only in my head. When I hear his voice plaintively order, “Sunny, come! I’m waiting” I instinctively turn to reassure him that I will indeed hurry up and join him at his play.
What was it about him that turned my head so? I was bowled over by Arvind but I’m beginning to wonder if I haven’t fallen a little bit in love in the nicest sort of way with Ghocha.
What an absurd name it is to be sure, but how well it fits him. I couldn’t have son like that in a million years because to create a Ghocha I guess you’d need parents like his. But I do wish he were my nephew to play and watch while he grew up. I guess in a bit he’ll forget me so when next we meet, if that ever happens, he wouldn’t even recognize me.
I wish I had gone to Lucknow. I would have enjoyed the fun and he’d have been there to enjoy it with me. I just couldn’t make his family understand that spending my time babysitting him was entirely voluntary, more than that, it was what I looked forward to everyday.
I suppose that’s how it is with Dada and the pishis. Will I still go all silly about Ghocha in twenty years’ time, the way they go over Dada? I have a strong feeling I will want to.
Ghocha, you are allowed to have rum, I believe, so I’ll have a Bacardi in your memory. If only you were old enough, I’m sure you’d approve ;-)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Dream my dreams and wonder why…

Being the cat that I am, I’m pleased to note that in not too long a while, she will be dumpy. Her mother is and it runs in the genes. I hope it does. And then I will remind myself of all the other little things in which I am her undoubted superior… and I will tell myself that I feel much better! So there, woman!

It’s not fair, is it? If some girl felt this way towards me I would be hurt. Wouldn’t I? Not really, not if I didn’t know she felt that way.

The unfortunate thing is, I will be fat too. Oh well, at least I will not be dumpy. I mean, I’m too tall to be anything except fat. Would you rather be fat or dumpy, though? I’m not too sure. Dumpy can be cute. Dammit! Who cares, I can do things I bet she can’t. I know she hasn’t. I’m sure she hasn’t. She cannot have!

Bother it. I do not like being so petty. I know I can be far worse than this but I don’t like someone else having this power over me, to provoke me into feeling something so strong against them. Bother it and bother her.

Actually, I just realized I don’t care all that much after all. I remembered when I was in her place, I mean before, and I wouldn’t want that to be resented. So I will not resent her either.

I do wish I could be less of a cat though.